Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, one of the greatest times for families coming together & celebrating the joy of Christ's resurrection & the sheer wonder of being with each other, basking in the goal of love & connection.
As someone raised on the delight of planning fabulous egg hunts, loading up epic baskets & helping put on a Sunday dinner to rival Norman Rockwell, with family gathering each Easter - while Mom was alive - it was a wound in my heart & soul to be a l o n e all day with wistful memories & an woeful longing.
Took me until last year to figure out that while I was feeling all misty-eyed over my holiday celebrations not being what they were, not being what I felt they were meant to be, that they were somehow off-track or wrong or downright smashed into smithereens, the reality is that my holiday celebrations are perfecto, at least for me. Yes, my Easters aren't the picture of All-American family dinners & unforgettable hunts, not my image of what they SHOULD be, but they suit me fine.
When have I ever been conventional? I took my B.S. in Religion & Philosophy, rather than the Ed degree women were expected to take. I was professionally shived by my principal - a minister! Fell head over heels in love with my first & only love at 37. My wedding dress was originally a table cloth! At 64, while the rest of my classmates are planning or already have retired, I'm just getting revved up to do my most important work. Hells bells, hardly anything about my life has been remotely conventional, so why would my sense of connection, family, community?!
It's not at all what I'd expected, longed for, sought. But it's real & it's all mine. My life is filled with loved ones, with friends who feel like family & people who mean the world to me even if we don't do much more than smile & shout out greetings. My community means everything to me - all of my communities. In the ways that matter most, connection defines my life.
Tomorrow is Easter. And my life will feel as whoopie & full of tender love & joyful connection as anyone's, even if the only ones celebrating with me are my O Best Beloved, our stuffies, dolls, kitties & backyard critters.
No sense of loss & lack. That, dear readers, is my own, slightly unconventional Easter miracle!
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