Just over a year before her death, Mom had the enviable opportunity to somewhat publicly express gratitude at being blessed with a fortunate life.
We were at a women's weekend retreat in the mountains outside Woodstock. She was ninety years old, frailer than the others, but still going toe to toe with the rest of us in what mattered.
It was an unexpectedly graced weekend - she knew I'd be there, but Mim being there was an unimaginable surprise & deep delight. To have both her daughters with her, in beloved mountains, welcomed a state of bliss that might had helped open her up to a great AH HA.
It was at one of the small group "shares" that Mom had the opportunity to say how blessed she'd felt her life had been. The term she used was "easy" - she'd had an unusually easy life. Praise be, another woman, a classmate of mine, spoke up to disagree - "Mrs. Lockhart, from what you've shared with us, you life has been anything but easy." Mom broke the confidence of the group later, telling me about it because she knew that I'd see how easy it had been.
Mom was using the wrong term. Gail was right - her life was anything but easy. The word Mom was looking for was fortunate. She'd been graced with a fortunate life, what I would describe as friggin fabulous. Remember, Mom was sharing this over a year after counseling from Kevyn Malloy, after connecting more fully with her own inmost core. She wasn't dismissing all the pain & heartbreak that had been part of her life from her mid-teens. She was seeing what all the years had pulled together to create, which was indeed something truly special.
It's possible Mom couldn't have seen the truth of that difference - between the imagined easy life & the genuinely fortunate one - at any earlier time. For most of her life, Mom felt compelled to slap a smiley face onto even the most unspeakable moments & events. Maybe that weekend, with those women - none of them family or even good friends - was the first time & space where she could express that all the tough times had worked their way into the fortunate life she treasured.
Praise be that from my early twenties, I was aware that one of Mom's most remarkable qualities was a deep, unshakable capacity for happiness that went far beyond smiles & upbeat words, that struck deep into her bedrock, that kept her grounded even during the most heart-wrenching times.
Am forever grateful for inheriting Mom's capacity for genuine, deep happiness. May I always follow her lead in doing all I can to celebrate the blessings of a fortunate life.
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