terrific Mother's Day present - from MOM!

 

When I wrote, "Oh my gosh - ya can't make this stuff up!" in last month's dear void #2, had NO idea how beyond spot-on it was.

Mentioned my wish that I had the letter from Mom to which Kerry had written her impassioned response, the note she described as "the letter to beat all," the one that hurt her "more than I knew possible."

Well, much to my astonishment, it showed up today in a file of unrelated bits & pieces.

This is the letter that tore Kerry apart, the one Mike faulted with alienating her children:

Feb 20. 1999

Dear Peter, Mike & Kerry, Mim, Elsa & John

I realize that I have always agreed with each of my children because I have been afraid not to agree with them - you.

With the exception of Mike & John, I haven't felt safe talking to any of you.

I am so glad that I am working on not feeling that way.  It is a beginning.

William James said, "A human being will change his life by changing his attitude of mind."  That's me.

Would like to talk about it?

Much love - Mom, Mum, Mother

 

Reading that, a letter I haven't seen for 17 years, got me to asking - What did my brother & s-i-l read that made them think the letter was about Kerry & not about MOM?  

Read Mom's note again.  This is the letter that compelled Mike to reply, "I would like to say that whoever you are talking to or having consul with is driving a large wedge between the family and you."  

If such a clearly written letter could be so wildly misconstrued to be an attack on any of the recipients, rather than a confession by the writer about unfairly prejudging us - well, it's easy to see how unpredictable personal issues can conspire to trigger epic misunderstandings. 

How poignant to find this treasure on Mother's Day, while rearranging the Front Room (previously Mom's) bookshelves.  How proud I am of the woman who wrote it, just a few months shy of her 90th birthday.  It took guts.  

Think about it.  The responses from her oldest children - Peter scoffed, Mim ignored, Mike & Kerry sent their mind-boggling replies - confirmed what Mom had always feared &underscored how right she'd been to believe that being open & honest with them would lead to heart ache.  


Want to be more astonished?  Remember her tender reply to Mike...

March 30, 1999

Dear Michael

Your letter was received.  Here are a few of my thoughts.

Don't let the fall out of a few heated moments taint your life.  Set aside the unintended hurt and the disagreement, and focus on the intentional love.  I find comfort that no one intended to be hurtful.

I have a psychological counselor, a financial counselor, and spiritual counselors.  John is an influence, Elsa is an influence, and Peter is an influence, along with Taking Responsibility: Self Reliance and the Accountable Life by Nathaniel Branden, Stephen Covey, John Bradshaw and other authors.  I enclose a list of Branden quotations.

The key issue in this quest for self is me, not Elsa, not Kerry.

It is important to ask "Why?" rather than lash out if people say or do disturbing things.  Asking "Why?" acknowledges the possibility of a different point of view.  It does not mean agreeing with the response.

A reply is not necessarily a response.  Intentional silence is not a neutral response.  Stripped down to basics, life is about loving people for who they are, and not who we want them to be.

Love to all - 

Love, Mom


What a special special special Mother's Day present, from a massively courageous woman to a loving, appreciative daughter.

 

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