Cats, cupcakes & candles

Yesterday, John & I did a mid-afternoon dash over to Norristown to see Peter, who had three presents for us that he was chomping at the bit to get into our hands.  Not surprised!  They were utterly spot on – not only totally nailed us, but managed to give us two cat gifties & a cupcake cookbook that neither of us had clapped eyes on, in spite of being Barnes & Noble devotees.

Couldn’t say which of the three is my favorite, although it’s easy to pick out the most surprising – the Cupcakes from the Primrose Bakery cookbook.  When the intro described it as a North London bakery, my heart fell, ever so slightly; have learned from previous experience that English cupcakes can be a tad esoteric for my tastes.  Not so with this gem!  Each week, John is going to pick a cupcake for me to make.  Will keep some for us, take the rest over to Peter to share with the wonderful staff.  It’s that good a cookbook!

 

Shelter Cats had us at MEOW.  We went through the whole, irresistible book right there, with Peter.  The publisher should have come up with a more engaging title, because the one it has doesn’t convey its winning charm & feline whimsy.  John & I agree that it is the BEST collection of cat photos we’ve seen; going through its pages brings our own cats so clearly to mind, my Man Cat is going to illustrate the inside front page with their signatures.  It’s that wonderful.

 

As for the third present, there is no way that anyone will ever get a note written on the Cats in Art cards.  What a sublime present to give a cat afficianado & artist, like my John!  Each one of the cards astonishes; my favorites are Susan Herbert’s takes on Vermeer, especially Cat With Pearl.

 

As noted in earlier posts, Peter has a reputation for amazing insight into a just-right present.  I remember a zillion years ago, when I was in my mid-teens, and Peter gave me a huge Oxford English dictionary for Christmas.  Others might have thought, “Seriously?  A dictionary for a teenager – for Christmas?” Absolutely - felt like my considerably older, brilliant brother took my writing aspirations seriously, that he saw me, got me.

Therein lies the rub.  Peter has always had the gift of being the very beau ideal of a big brother.  He was nothing short of legendary at our engagement party, when he arrived on the morning of with bottles of wine, cases of Heineken, boxes of rented glassware - and a bottle of gin for John.  Peter to a T – the just-right gesture, at the just-right time.

That is how he’s always been.  WHEN he chooses to be in my life.  

For many years, up to December 2014, he was not at all in our lives, at his choosing.  Praise be, spurred by the words “We do family” on a plaque in a Lambertville shop, we dropped off some of his favorite Chinese food from one of his favorite places on his mid-Dec birthday, opening the door to a reconnect. 

Frankly, for years he hadn’t needed me to make him feel brotherly.  Mim filled that role very well.  Will be forever grateful that we cemented the reconnect with Peter before Mim suddenly passed last July.  It was natural to step up & at least be present in his life.  I cannot be all that Mim was to him, but I can be there.

John & I had a wonderful time with Peter yesterday.  We dropped by, had a brief smile-filled visit, were on our way.  While Peter could spend all of the first day of March Madness visiting Mim, watching college basketball from noon to midnight, we’ve learned that, with us, short & sweet seems to work best. 

We love the gifts, loved the visit.  But it does give pause.  The difference, it seems to me, is that while Peter loves feeling like A brother, my joy is being HIS sister.  He can make the most tenderhearted gesture, do things that feel so incredibly personal & insightful, that peer right into my most cherished loves, then totally step away & act like there is no relationship & you must be some sort of madman if you think there is or ever was.

Here’s the most amazing thing of all – that doesn’t get to me anymore.  At one time, not that long ago, giving us such thought-filled, inspired presents would have triggered days of dark depression.  I am not a fan of incongruity.  Being in Peter’s life means having to come to terms with that, to release inconsistency as a thorn-in-the-side issue.  To let whatever is in front of us be what is in any given moment.  Could not have done that in years past.  Piece of cake (or cupcake) now.   

Peter introduced me to the saying, “The game isn’t worth the candle” – the outcome isn’t worth the energies needed to put into it.  Being in his life, doing what I can to be a present sister, taking what comes as what it is & nothing less – it’s very much worth the candle.

Am writing this & smiling, realizing that there wasn’t one single dark moment yesterday, not a brief second of the sadness that once would have been a natural response to “Now you’re visible.”  It is what it is & it is enough.  

We do family.