Gremlins

John was unhappy last night that he'd thrown me into such despair.  He had a problem fathoming my response - "John, you didn't make me distraught;  I did."

Which was true.  And fascinating to experience - taking responsibility for reacting so deeply & massively unproductively.  Feeling heartbroken didn't move either of us or our marriage an inch forward in healthy relationship.  

Am trying to get my head around a constructive way to respond to John's trait of missing what's being said, of often processing it into it's polar opposite.  The common thread seems to be that whatever happens ultimately ends up being something that makes him more comfortable.  

Gremlins.  Yesterday was the Clash of the Gremlins.  I'd tamed my Stress Gremlin - or so I thought - and didn't go off track on discovering John was stressing out based on past experiences of pre-Craft Sale Friday.  Didn't go off the first time I felt it, but boy did I go off the rails later.  Can see his gremlin & mine high fiving it as my blood raced faster, my voice got more brittle, my nerves frayed.  

It's true, that I have no idea how to help John out of his dilemma.  He lacks a basic curiosity about what makes himself tick that's sort of necessary for doing any deep inner "dump diving."  But our marriage is definitely suffering because of it.  It's a fine marriage, but having to continue dealing with what comes across as learned helplessness to eternity would be hellish.

My response last night only served our gremlins.  How to channel it into something constructive - that's a ponder worth having.