"I bet you think..."

Guess I was in my early 40s when Mim - then around 50 - said to me, "I bet you think that I talk about you all the time to my psychologist.  Well, I don't, not ever."

That was an important statement, on several levels.  First off, it seemed weird to me that she felt compelled to make it at all.  Second, it interested me that she assumed I thought that MY issues were HER issues.  Third, she was totally wrong - it never occurred to me that she was talking about healing family issues during her sessions.  

What still, to this day, gives pause is WHY would she bring it up in the first place?  Imagine if I had thought that she invested as much worth in our relationship as I did - hearing that she never sought ways to improve it would have devastated me.  That still leaves me scratching my head.  

My first phrasing was "she never sought ways to improve heal restore our relationship."  The harsh reality, one that folks who knew us years & years ago find hard to accept, is that you can't heal & restore something that never existed.  

Took me DECADES to figure that one out, a realization that possibly didn't fully hit until after Mom was reunited with her O! Best Beloved.  Nothing expresses better than Mim's own words that while there was a relationship in my heart, apparently there wasn't in hers.  That used to dominate my life;  now, it is what is.  What's not okay is pretending something exists when it doesn't.  

There are so many wonderful things gleaned from our times together.  So much of who I am is due to Mim's influence.  And, right here, right now, I thank her for all those gifts.  Especially that potentially stinging statement 

On Monday, I have my first appointment with the amazing Kim Vargas.  Kim is best known for helping coach women into motherhood, perhaps life's greatest, most challenging transition. I have seen the awesome work she's done with a grannie client, helping her transition from older to elder.  And I look forward to her helping me transition into .. whatever lies before me.  

And I can absolutely, positively guarantee you one thing above all others ~ ~  I won't be talking about my sister or ancient family issues.  

I wasn't hurt that Mim didn't frultlessly fixate on family issues like I did. If anything, I envied her detachment from unsolvable gunk.  Now, it's my time.  At last!