A previous post refers to a few comments in Mom's handwriting that talked about two letters that seemed to contradict each other. My guess was they were from Kerry, but was only half right - one was from her, the other was from Mike. And Mom was spot on - the two letters do reflect two opposite perspectives.
Mike had mentioned to Mom in an earlier letter to clue him in if she needed any financial help. So, she'd sent off a request for help, listing a wide range - from minor amounts to significant investment - for him to pick out whatever suited him best.
That note was the backdrop of the two wildly different responses. Mike had talked about the things he'd picked out for support, while Kerry blew a gasket over Mom coming to them with her hand out. She pointed out that they'd already covered the bills she'd "run up on (her) last trip" - the medical bills for the stop-gap surgery that made it possible to get back to the USA for the full procedure. They'd already given their share for her expenses & she could be content with that. Oh, and she had never been sufficiently grateful for all that Kerry & Mike had done, which still hurt her loving daughter in law.
Whew!
Impossible to imagine my mother NOT thanking them for paying the related hospital bills, but perhaps she wasn't overly grateful enough. I know for a fact that she knew Mike & Kerry were on the hook for the Down Under medical expenses related to the infected kidney. Due to changes in her Medicare coverage, she no longer had out-of-country coverage. Mike & Kerry had to literally sign off -to both the Australian government AND to Mom - that if any health care was required during her months long stay, they would cover it. But in all the previous six visits Mom had made between 65 & 85, she'd never come down with so much as a serious cold.
But then, she'd never flown straight through from Philadelphia to Sydney before either - she'd always stopped over in Los Angeles and sometimes also Hawaii or Tahiti. I'd had a fit when it turned out she & Scott would fly straight through, to save money. She assured me all would be well, that they had a long lay-over in L.A., that she'd make a point of walking around the airport to get her circulation going, to take a long nap.
It was only after she died that I discovered the lay-over was just one hour. Small wonder she suffered an infected kidney. Far younger people than Mom have died due to the pressure on their bodies of the long flight.
Did Mom write back & blast Kerry for not sufficiently thanking HER for getting her mind, body & spirit in fit enough fiddle to fly home to the USA for the major surgery, so it would be covered under Medicare instead of fall fully on their shoulders? Of course not. But she didn't just apologize, either, which was a huge step forward for Mom, who detested confrontation. She pointed out to Kerry that she'd been told time & again that "Lockharts never share how they feel" & "keep their heads in the sand." Well, she'd plucked up her courage, had let them know how she felt, what she needed - and, as she'd feared in the first place, was slammed for her efforts.
It's just a little piece of paper, with just three or four sentences. But, realizing the context & the courage it took Mom to not just roll over with profuse apologies - - well, to me it is a priceless treasure, reflecting a very brave, massively courageous elder.
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