Would most of those transformed difficulties, even heartbreak, been possible without simple paper & permanent ink? I think not. From notes & jottings from Mom to herself & others to ancient letters from my sibs & Kerry to her, from dashed off comments or page #s in novels to her own started/stopped journals, they helped clarify what was actually happening around me when it seemed something else was.
Just now, going through a long-ago journal, came across a single-sheet of writing paper, apparently thoughts Mom had jotted down before writing to Kerry. Since there isn't anything they connect to, don't know what they specifically reference, although the message is pretty clear - at least to me.
"Comparing these two letters is confusing. They contradict each other." Two letters from Kerry? One from Mike, one from KCL? No idea.
"You wanted me to say what I feel and think. When I did, you were offended. Please know that I love you and want what is fair for you and for me." (Mom originally wrote good, then crossed it out & wrote fair.)
At least I know the situation. She had written to Kerry about something that involved her daughter-in-law. Unlike her usual style, which Kerry had roundly criticized through the years for "sticking her head in the sand," Mom had gone waaaaaaay outside her comfort zone to be open & honest about a difficult situation (no memory what it was). And Kerry had not taken it well.
Mom experienced something I'd learned decades before - from her! It is one thing to say you want something, when it is in the abstract. Quite another if someone takes you up on your request for change & you suddenly discover it's not as peachy as you'd envisioned.
At least she had a reference for it. Several years before, I took Kerry at her word & was open with her on a difficult subject. Whew! Let's just say it did not go well.
Always struck me as weird that Mom had no hesitation with telling Dad - as discreetly as possible, and always along with cheddar & Ritz crackers & a glass of sherry - her mind, yet was loathe to bring up differences with her children, including (especially?) me. She never feared Dad's response, but was apparently petrified of being slammed by their kinder.
Will never forget the day she first really spoke up to me, really spoke HER truth rather than keeping quiet or seeming to agree. Wish I could say it was okay, but 'twould be a lie - totally flipped out, missing that she was doing the very thing I'd encouraged since forever. How did she respond? Shut down & withdrawal or call me out? Praise be, the later! "Wait a second! You tore into me for doing the very thing you've always told me to, what you've roundly criticized me for NOT doing in the past - standing by what I believe."
Well, that stopped me in my tracks.
I looked at her, blinked, and accepted the truth of her statement. She WAS doing what I'd downright lectured her to do, and there I was, slamming her for it.
Did the only thing I could - acknowledged the truth of her comment, thanked her for sharing her true feelings instead of masking or burying them, then gave her a big congratulatory HUG. If memory serves me well, a few happy (Mom) proud (me) tears were shed.
Wishing I could say that Kerry had the same response.
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