Unfiltered

Good old Mom, acclaimed throughout the family as a born storyteller.  How we loved hearing her "war stories."  Mom's challenge was that she had no filter, no sense of which bit of family lore NOT to share.  

I will never understand why she'd tell - in front of my brother - about the time a teammate plowed into him during a basketball practice, sidelining him for the rest of the season with a broken ankle.  Wasn't bad enough to be benched by an injury - he was captain.  But it was a story, so it was told.  Wince! 

For most of my early adult life, I did the same.  Shared stories without any sense of how they might be received by the listeners.  But for me, it was way worse than just lacking a filter.  I'd grown up with two older siblings who seemed - within the family  - to tell stories & share news that put others in a bad light.

Cringing, thinking about how friends & acquaintances, knowing my sunny character, must have felt hearing me speak.  In place of pearls & roses, they got snakes & toads.  And I was utterly clueless, 'cause that's the way we rolled at home.  No filters, derisive shares about others.  That was normal, so it's how I communicated, too.

Pretty stunning to realize that for over the first half of my life - well over thirty years  - I'd typically give stories a negative twist.  And I never thought about filtering stories to avoid potential hurt.  But then, it never occurred to me that my sibs never ever talked that way to folks outside the family.

Ah, growing older.  It brings the possibility of new insights.  Like seeing how negativity, in so many forms, infused our family life.  My sibs' negative narratives +  Mom's unfiltered stories were hardly conducive to a sense of sunshine & happiness.  Yikes!  My bro & sis seemed to distrust sunshine & happiness!

This isn't regurgitating ancient family history.  Vestiges of negativity & unfiltered living still stick to me, weigh me down, keep me from being as effective as my sunshine & happiness heart wants to be.  It helps to realize, "Oh, THAT's part of where this funky tendency is rooted."  Must see & acknowledge real or imaginary obstacles before you can get past them.  

Signing off with a tip of the hat to these particular gremlins - unfiltered stuff & infused negativity - then moving on.   Prepare to be waist-deep in diamonds, roses & pearls!