How can I possibly thank all my family for being exactly who they are, as they are, playing such amazing roles in my life, helping me become awake aware active. Couldn't have done it without them. How right I was, all those years ago, when it first dawned on me that families can be described as amazing petri dishes, a Great Lab Experiment from which - under the right conditions - the incredible can be discovered.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
intramurals
Thinking about how differently girls' athletics are treated these days in my high school alma mater than they were back in my day, back in my siblings' day, got me wondering how differently my sister's experience in high school would be if she were attending ANC now instead of back in the late 1950s, early 1960s.
See, Mim was a terrific athlete. Mike loved to tell the story of how he'd bust with pride watching the girls play softball, seeing the outfield move way back when Mim came up to bat. She was an all-'rounder at sports. Gosh, she even coached her own "little league" football team!
But she lived in a day when the girls were only allowed to play for exercise & enjoyment. Even in my day, eight years later, we were restricted to intramural events, playing against the other classes instead of against other schools. The only way girls got close to a playing field was as a cheerleader - and Mim most definitely did not see herself as a cheerleader sort.
Oh, if she could have played against other schools! Mim would have been one of the school's most recognized female athletes. Maybe it wouldn't have changed her low opinion of herself, but maybe it would. Instead, the "girls can't" attitude of way back then just reinforced that she was super talented, but... That mega negating "but" that diminished so many great female athletes, held them back & kept them off the radar of most of the community, let alone off the sports pages, out of the columns that regularly carried stories of the BOYS exploits & victories.
What if? If only? Glad today's girls (& their sisters) will never have to wonder.
See, Mim was a terrific athlete. Mike loved to tell the story of how he'd bust with pride watching the girls play softball, seeing the outfield move way back when Mim came up to bat. She was an all-'rounder at sports. Gosh, she even coached her own "little league" football team!
But she lived in a day when the girls were only allowed to play for exercise & enjoyment. Even in my day, eight years later, we were restricted to intramural events, playing against the other classes instead of against other schools. The only way girls got close to a playing field was as a cheerleader - and Mim most definitely did not see herself as a cheerleader sort.
Oh, if she could have played against other schools! Mim would have been one of the school's most recognized female athletes. Maybe it wouldn't have changed her low opinion of herself, but maybe it would. Instead, the "girls can't" attitude of way back then just reinforced that she was super talented, but... That mega negating "but" that diminished so many great female athletes, held them back & kept them off the radar of most of the community, let alone off the sports pages, out of the columns that regularly carried stories of the BOYS exploits & victories.
What if? If only? Glad today's girls (& their sisters) will never have to wonder.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
itty bitty baby
copy of a facebook posting i messaged to the great molly nece -
it all begins with "once upon a
time, there was a little bitty baby, born into a family that didn't see
or hear her. it was not because her brothers & sister, mother &
father were trolls & wicked wizards, but because they were under an
enchantment. they could not see themselves as they were.
the oldest brother saw himself as a prince who had been exchanged with the changeling that truly belonged in the family; he longed to live in the castle on the top of a hill, with servants & wonderful things & people who all saw him as special.
the sister was just the opposite - she saw herself as the lowest of the low, who could not see all her talents & gifts & graces, who experienced her family's oft-expressed praise as confirmation they believed she could do nothing of value, would never be worthy of attention & admiration. a treasured belief was that if you did something that brought joy to yourself, it was debased - only things that brought you pain had any worth.
these two siblings were the crown prince & the princess royal of the family.
always & forever, the parents looked to the two of them as the end all & be all of family life. their rare good opinion could turn dark nights to full moon shine, while their more common bad opinion could chill & darken the loveliest of days.
the other two brothers did as was expected, revering their two siblings, realizing that they could only be poor reflections of the others' glory.
but the itty bitty baby, from a very young age, said, "i think there is a better way." but none of the others - not the parents, not the crown prince, not the princess royal, not the other two brothers - could see or hear what she said. when she said "up," they heard "down." when she said "blue," they heard "chartreuse."
she was not under the same enchantment as the rest of her family, but she was certainly under a strong enchantment - she believed that the fate of the family rested 4-square on her itty bitty shoulders. she never made friends - who would want to be friends with someone so different from the crown prince & princess royal? she did poorly in school - why bother, since she could never be as brilliant as her sister, the princess royal? as she grew older, she made sure that she was always & forever at the beck & call of the others. and she saw her family as the norm & all other families as off kilter.
one day, a dark-haired maiden & her golden-tressed dear friend moved across the road from the once-itty bitty baby. they invited the now-young woman over for tea & coffee & kir royales. they talked to her & expected, wonder of wonders, her to talk, too. she began to realize she'd lived her life as a tightly-wound bud & slowly slowly began to unfurl.
it took two three brave men to set her to blossoming. they were the two beloveds & a dear dear friend of the lasses across the street. one day, after the once-itty bitty baby had made a comment about something or other, they disagreed with her. she responded. later, it happened again - she said something, they disagree, she responded. finally, the beloved of the dark-haired maiden smiled at her a warm loving smile & said, "do you know that you shadow box?" she looked at the three men, all looking at her with the same look, and asked, "what is 'shadow boxing'?" and they explained that they had intentionally disagreed with her to see how she'd respond & in each case she'd immediately changed what she'd originally said to be in agreement with their differing opinion. every time.
the once-itty bitty baby was stunned. didn't everyone do that? everyone in her family did, at least the mother & father, her two brothers & herself. (the crown prince & princess royal only did it when something made them seem in the wrong - then they would say they'd never said whatever & how crazy are you to think they had.)
slowly, a thought started to take hold. maybe ~ just maybe, her family wasn't the right way to be. maybe the way she'd always thought was best - having regular family meetings, sharing individual goals to see how others could lend support, having regular chores to do, talking about finances, expecting kindness from everyone - wasn't as crazy as she'd always been told. maybe the way she'd always seen life should be actually was a wonderful way & the way she'd always been taught was... well, sad.
it took 24 years for the itty bitty baby to shake off the enchantment of the others, an enchantment that had never been her own but had overshadowed every moment of her every day. that was the start of her searching.
it wasn't easy. she couldn't - from her heart of hearts - leave her widowed mother alone, for the crown prince & princess royal made it clear that their mother was there to take care of them, not ever the reverse. and one brother died when he was a very young boy, while the other moved far far away to the other side of the world.
it took another 24 years - plus several more - for the once-itty bitty baby to finally shake clear of the terrible enchantment that had never been her own but had overshadowed her life. she's now on a continuation of the original quest, which she hadn't realized was never about her family; it was always about her self. her best self, her truest self, her most bright & shining & glorious self, about seeking not just the good & the best, but what she'd been born to find & accept & seize as her own - greatness.
for decades, she's been training herself to be an engineer, finding ways to remove big & small obstacles from the path before her. she's off the roadway & into the flow. ironically, the more obstacles she removes & the clearer the waterway becomes, the more she spots smaller rocks & snags that can wreak havoc on her journey.
she's gotten better & better at navigating the rapids that keep appearing, remembering to NOT look out for the boulders that threaten to crash & crumble her craft, remembering to stay in harmony with the water slipping around & past them.
from itty bitty baby to seeker to path-beater to waterman. pretty darn interesting life - and so much more ahead!
the oldest brother saw himself as a prince who had been exchanged with the changeling that truly belonged in the family; he longed to live in the castle on the top of a hill, with servants & wonderful things & people who all saw him as special.
the sister was just the opposite - she saw herself as the lowest of the low, who could not see all her talents & gifts & graces, who experienced her family's oft-expressed praise as confirmation they believed she could do nothing of value, would never be worthy of attention & admiration. a treasured belief was that if you did something that brought joy to yourself, it was debased - only things that brought you pain had any worth.
these two siblings were the crown prince & the princess royal of the family.
always & forever, the parents looked to the two of them as the end all & be all of family life. their rare good opinion could turn dark nights to full moon shine, while their more common bad opinion could chill & darken the loveliest of days.
the other two brothers did as was expected, revering their two siblings, realizing that they could only be poor reflections of the others' glory.
but the itty bitty baby, from a very young age, said, "i think there is a better way." but none of the others - not the parents, not the crown prince, not the princess royal, not the other two brothers - could see or hear what she said. when she said "up," they heard "down." when she said "blue," they heard "chartreuse."
she was not under the same enchantment as the rest of her family, but she was certainly under a strong enchantment - she believed that the fate of the family rested 4-square on her itty bitty shoulders. she never made friends - who would want to be friends with someone so different from the crown prince & princess royal? she did poorly in school - why bother, since she could never be as brilliant as her sister, the princess royal? as she grew older, she made sure that she was always & forever at the beck & call of the others. and she saw her family as the norm & all other families as off kilter.
one day, a dark-haired maiden & her golden-tressed dear friend moved across the road from the once-itty bitty baby. they invited the now-young woman over for tea & coffee & kir royales. they talked to her & expected, wonder of wonders, her to talk, too. she began to realize she'd lived her life as a tightly-wound bud & slowly slowly began to unfurl.
it took two three brave men to set her to blossoming. they were the two beloveds & a dear dear friend of the lasses across the street. one day, after the once-itty bitty baby had made a comment about something or other, they disagreed with her. she responded. later, it happened again - she said something, they disagree, she responded. finally, the beloved of the dark-haired maiden smiled at her a warm loving smile & said, "do you know that you shadow box?" she looked at the three men, all looking at her with the same look, and asked, "what is 'shadow boxing'?" and they explained that they had intentionally disagreed with her to see how she'd respond & in each case she'd immediately changed what she'd originally said to be in agreement with their differing opinion. every time.
the once-itty bitty baby was stunned. didn't everyone do that? everyone in her family did, at least the mother & father, her two brothers & herself. (the crown prince & princess royal only did it when something made them seem in the wrong - then they would say they'd never said whatever & how crazy are you to think they had.)
slowly, a thought started to take hold. maybe ~ just maybe, her family wasn't the right way to be. maybe the way she'd always thought was best - having regular family meetings, sharing individual goals to see how others could lend support, having regular chores to do, talking about finances, expecting kindness from everyone - wasn't as crazy as she'd always been told. maybe the way she'd always seen life should be actually was a wonderful way & the way she'd always been taught was... well, sad.
it took 24 years for the itty bitty baby to shake off the enchantment of the others, an enchantment that had never been her own but had overshadowed every moment of her every day. that was the start of her searching.
it wasn't easy. she couldn't - from her heart of hearts - leave her widowed mother alone, for the crown prince & princess royal made it clear that their mother was there to take care of them, not ever the reverse. and one brother died when he was a very young boy, while the other moved far far away to the other side of the world.
it took another 24 years - plus several more - for the once-itty bitty baby to finally shake clear of the terrible enchantment that had never been her own but had overshadowed her life. she's now on a continuation of the original quest, which she hadn't realized was never about her family; it was always about her self. her best self, her truest self, her most bright & shining & glorious self, about seeking not just the good & the best, but what she'd been born to find & accept & seize as her own - greatness.
for decades, she's been training herself to be an engineer, finding ways to remove big & small obstacles from the path before her. she's off the roadway & into the flow. ironically, the more obstacles she removes & the clearer the waterway becomes, the more she spots smaller rocks & snags that can wreak havoc on her journey.
she's gotten better & better at navigating the rapids that keep appearing, remembering to NOT look out for the boulders that threaten to crash & crumble her craft, remembering to stay in harmony with the water slipping around & past them.
from itty bitty baby to seeker to path-beater to waterman. pretty darn interesting life - and so much more ahead!
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